This week was supposed to be another sort-of introduction entry about what you should expect here, what I’m doing, you know – easy stuff like that. Unfortunately, maybe for you, I’ve had this Rant building for a couple of weeks now and I haven’t been able to set it aside. So, with a hearty dose of rationalization, I figured a Rant could be sort of an introduction too.

Well, you are asking, what the hell is a Rant?

That’s where I’ll start. Every so often I am possessed by circumstances or an idea that twists itself into my thoughts and will not let go. Most times it’s just something that’s torqued my shorts but occasionally it’s an idea that takes me in an unexpected direction. I remain possessed until I get it out. Getting it out is a Rant. One of my Rants’ idiosyncrasies is that I never know where the idea behind it is going to lead. Every once in a while the kernel of a story shines forth. Sometimes it’s just a dud. Often it’s just therapeutic. You be the judge.

On with the Rant.

The idea that has been nettling me came out of a conversation I had with a friend a couple of weeks ago. She asked me if I voted and I said no. I explained that I think that local issues and – possibly – State issues may be influenced by voting but that at the Federal level they’re all a bunch of money-grubbing slime-bags so it doesn’t really matter who gets elected. Since I haven’t had a local or a State to call home for the last few years I have stayed away from the polls. My friend’s response was that she always voted because she felt that that was her only option for exercising her political power. Simple enough, but the conversation stayed with me and I couldn’t figure out why.

Until… I was thinking about voting. I was thinking about Federal level politicians. I was thinking about how from the House of Representatives to the Senate to the Presidency it was all just about raising money. I was also thinking about Economics which, unlike Politics, has always been an interest of mine. It is also one of those interests that keeps me off everybody’s A-list for “who should we invite to the party” but that subject is for another day. This could morph into an Economics Rant – it may someday – but I’m going to try and stay on topic. At the very least staying away from Economics might get me invited out. When I put Economics into the mix all the pieces fell into place. 

I am paying for that crap. More importantly – just because there are more of you than there is of me – you are paying for that crap too. In ways you can’t even dream.

Here’s the limit of the Economics for this Rant. Fact: all money eventually can be traced back to a Consumer. That’s all money. Every last penny. To you. Look at it this way. A farmer grows some corn and sells it to a dealer who sells it to Kelloggs who whips up some Sugar Pops (or whatever new healthiersounding name they came up with) who sells a box back to the farmer and a million other hungry people. The money from all those boxes of cereal goes to pay the farmer, the dealer, and Kelloggs’ production cost. What’s left pays Kelloggs’ Taxes and the leftover is Kelloggs’ Profit. Out of that Profit Kelloggs pays its investors, pays bonuses to its managers and makes Political Contributions to candidates it wants to support or office holders it wants to influence. Now multiply this by all the other companies making stuff, selling investments, providing services, banking, everything. That’s a lot of Economic activity. That’s a lot of money. All of it comes from you and some of it goes to support politicians you don’t even like.

As an example, our Populist President Barack Obama gets paid a little less than 600 Grand a year. Plus he gets a nice apartment, shiny new cars, and a very cool airplane. To win the election he spent over one THOUSAND times that much – more than 700 MILLION dollars. John McCain raised and spent only about half as much. Think how much more he would have taken in if he hadn’t picked Sarah Palin. That total, if you aren’t good at arithmetic, is over a BILLION dollars. For one election. In a little over two years they’re going to do it again. Now there are 100 Senators and 435 Representatives who are all playing the same game – Dollars for Face Time. Those dollars add up to another BILLION.

Every last one of those donation dollars came directly – or more likely – indirectly out of your pockets through the magic of Economics. That money is just for the campaigns. This is before your elected Federal officials spend a dime of the $2.7 TRILLION the Feds collect just in income tax. All of that cash is yours.

It’s time to show the bums the door. Every last one of them. To quote Thomas Jefferson “A little rebellion now and then is a good thing.” The time is now and here’s what we’re going to do.

We are going to take my friend’s stand on the power of her vote and exercise that power. This time, however, instead of voting for something we’re going to vote against everything. Every sitting Congressperson or Senator is going to be voted out of office regardless of where they stand on issues. We need them to take us more seriously than they take the interest groups doling out the filthy lucre. All of Congress is out and the new batch is in. But the new bunch is playing the same game: Show Me the Money. They can’t be trusted either. In two years we’re going to throw them out too – just for effect. Hopefully, that will be the last of it but these people aren’t the sharpest knives in the drawer so it may take one more slap in the Congressional face for them to see who really is letting them keep their jobs.

Now I know it will be hard for Conservatives to vote for some pinko-liberal, pro-choice, whale-saving, granola head. Those on the Left will be hard pressed to punch their chad for some gun-toting, stem-cell-banning, starched-underwear-wearing, warmonger. I would too. I comfort myself that it’s something I’ll only have to do two or three times and then the Revolution will be over.

Wait! Two or three times? That’s what, five, maybe six years? The American public wouldn’t have the patience to wait that long. I mean, we are the country who lives by our motto: E Pluribus Unum. That’s Latin for What’s so Gratifying about Delayed Gratification.

So I came up with another idea.

You can elect me King. 

Not really King – we’re kind of a democracy after all – but close enough. You will for a period of two years elect me to every one of the 435 seats in the House of Representatives. The President wants to do something they just have to get it past one guy. Same story for the Senate. More importantly – same deal for you too. You will know who gets the credit or blame – every time. You’ll know who you have to talk to: me. What could be simpler? 

What a great idea! Is that even possible? You betcha and here’s how we’re going to do it.

Let’s see – first have a look at the legal underpinnings – The Constitution. Article I, Section 2 puts forth three qualifications for representatives. You must be at least twenty-five years old; have been a citizen of the United States for the past seven years; and be – at the time of the election – an inhabitant of the state they represent. Members need not live in their districts. It says nothing about not being able to represent multiple districts. The dictionary defines “inhabits” as “being present in” or “exist or be situated in”. We got legal cold.

Next I’m going to need a place to call home in each of the 50 States: 50 apartments at $1K each. I might be able to shave some expense if I can get into low-income housing. Then I’m going to open 50 accounts with local banks using my in-town address: 50 checking accounts at 100 bucks each. Finally, I’m going to need a really fast jet, but something comfortable. That’ll be the big ticket item at about $50,000 with a tip for the pilot. All told my campaign expenses are going to be about $100,000. That’s less than half the cost of a single Congressional campaign. There won’t even be any filing fees because you’ll just write-in your vote for me. All the information is posted on my Contact page.  That will save YOU even more money. Perfect.

Election morning at 12:01 AM I am going to make an ATM withdrawal in Maine to ascertain that I inhabited that State on Election Day. The security camera will prove that it was me “being present in” Maine and making the withdrawal. I hop in the Lear and zoom off to the next State traveling to places like Cincinnati where I can nail down two states at once. I’ll work east to west to take advantage of the time change. At the end of the day you will have sent the creeps back to the real world, voted in someone who is actually working for you instead of for your money, and you’ll be able to look proudly at the statues of Revolutionary War heroes and say Yeah, Dude…me too.

There’s a fly in the ointment though. With only two months to the election there may not be enough time to get the word out to everybody, line up all the apartments, open up the bank account, and interview flight attendants. I may have to put the whole Iacomus Rex idea on hold until the following election. 

This time, though, take my friend’s advice: use your power and vote. Just vote the bums out.